At the his apartment

What can I say, I just fucking miss my Honey!!! I miss him I miss him I miss him. I am going crazy and emotional over here. I hate talking to Mel about it sometimes because she is going through some things right now and I know she kind of doesn't want to hear about it but she hears my doubts and fears too so it isn't like I'm all peaches and cream over here either. My damn man is half way across the damn world, I may not hear from him for a few days because his ass will be in turnio/milano, italy until the damn 4th, arggggggggggggggggghhhhhhh!!!!
Last night I went over to his place to inhale his esscence, sleep in the bed, watch a movie, chill with the dog, you know. It was funny, I was so mad at myself because there wasn't a thing there that smelled like him because I had washed everything and cleaned up pretty much; I walked into the closet still looking for something he hung back up just because he wore it once. I was coming up empty handed and then I just sighed real big and realized the entire closet smelled like him, I didn't have to find one thing he had worn because the whole closet had his scent. I fell asleep to Casino Royale and woke up about the times I usually do there, once real early for no reason and then again when he would be getting up to turn on the espresso machine. Ellie was all kinds of stretched out in the bed. I think the first night she didn't realize what was going on because once again she went looking for him but she fell asleep on her favorite pillows until I moved her, of course going to bed she had to bring a chew with her.
I want to dye my hair today. Some cool color or hell just either jet black or very freaking blonde. Omar said though he isn't that much into blondes so dying it blonde may not be the best way to go but gosh I want to dye it some drastic color. You may not think jet black is but when your hair really isn't jet black it is drastic.
I don't know I'm just trying to be me and make Big O happy at the same time but then again he is very happy when I do just that, be me, myself, & I. This shit is hard just being myself and knowing it makes someone smile on a regular basis. That shit is tripping me out and I guess the thing is the ex has fucked me up. I am slowly but surely getting over it with his help and it is working. He sees it I guess or he is just being him which is perfectly fine with me.
He just called me while he is outside smoking waiting on Club Italy to pick him up I guess. I say I guess because Big O told me he has already told Club Italy that I am going with him to South Carolina. He said CI had no reaction, he just said umph. Big O thinks CI is still trying to process it, I threw out there maybe he already knew but Big O wanted him to respond some kind of way not just silence. Hey maybe Big O stepped outside to smoke and talk to me real quick but unusual that CI wouldn't go with him. Oh wait, he said he just landed or something. Oh hell I don't know, let me stop trying to figure it out because does it really matter? Club Italy knows, Big O told him, the world is right. In a couple of days it will be the 4th and from there only 7-9days and he'll be back.