The Day After Thanksgiving (Ok, it's just Friday)

Today was an interesting yet boring day to say the least. We didn't go out of town just as I suspected because I mean Melissa's tooth was hurting just way too bad. I mean hell, the damn teeth have made her miss a full week of work and has had her crying up until today. I think this is the only day out of this entire week she has felt bearable, eating, not crying, throwing up, and/or anything else in that neighborhood. I am kind of bummed we didn't go to San Antonio but it is probably best. Her cousin is dying and she really needs to remember him the last time she saw him healthy and not in the state that I hear he is in. She will be going to the funeral but that is a good thing. She can say her goodbyes there and remember him how he was, which I am sure that is what he would want. Yes of course he would have loved to see her before he goes but I'm sure he has a million other things on his mind or not.
With saying I didn't go out of town and mentioning that to my boyfriend, he said if I don't go out of town feel free to book him. I tried that and guess what folks, I didn't see him all day today. He said he had a little cold; his throat hurt and his sinuses were completely closed this morning when he woke up. Needless to say due to that we haven't seen each other today. I can and did of course survive it although I didn't want to at all. He said his best friend asked him to go out but he was not feeling it. You know if he would have went out with his friend instead of seeing me like he said I could I would have been pissed to the highest level. I don't mind if he wants to go out with his friends at all but don't tell me or hype me up for seeing you, you are sick the next day, I don't see you at least during the day and then you go out. Oh who wouldn't be pissed, I mean completely 100% pissed and not wanting to see him for a very long while. We text most of the day though or should I say as long as he wasn't sleep we were texting each other.
I don't know why I feel as if he is lying to me about being sick. I've been through text and realized it was 4hrs at a time we didn't talk. Then I've been through what he has said to me. Oh I am just being crazy. I guess the boyfriend lying to me in the past that he was out of town and then for him to tell me later that he wasn't and why he lied has scared me a little. Then it doesn't help when I am nervous about this relationship already. He is suppose to be leaving in Jan and we are growing closer. I mean he has already said yea, him leaving is something we don't want to think about.
I gotta learn to trust him. I think I do I am just having a hard time getting in touch with that because I am so scared of what is going on. Sometimes I think it is going no where but then I see that it is when I open up and talk with him or we learn more about each other. I could be trippin. I mean completely. He could just be using this time as yeah I'm getting another girlfriend before I leave, let me learn what I can from her and spend good times with her, show her good times can be had while I am here and then once I leave say my goodbye to her.
I don't know what it is though but I don't feel that in my gut. That is not my gut feeling that that is his intention. I try not to let me mind wonder that he will ask me to go with him but something in my gut says that might be his intention. I don't know, my gut doesn't know, my mind doesn't know, wait did I mention I didn't know altogether about anything. We'll just have to see what happens and where this goes.
The odd thing about us being apart is that I can't fucking sleep. I can't fucking sleep at all DAMN IT!!! I mean if I get in the bed, close my eyes and have the pooch there with me then yes I am in LaLa Land but before that, I'm on the couch on the damn computer as if I don't need to be in bed. It is like I don't want to go to bed because he is not there. I don't know. I know it sounds crazy but maybe that is just what it is, crazy. When I am with him at his place I wake up at least once and gotta go to the bathroom. I fall right back to sleep but I wake up just that once. He wakes up a few times with me during the night but he says he sleeps with me. I wonder if that has changed for the better since we have been spending more nights together. I know I don't wake up as much anymore. Ok I am rambling because it is 2:12am and I am suppose to be sleep because that is what I told him I was going to be 2hrs ago but I just had to get this stuff off my chest. It is part of that I need to go to bed and should have long ago but not finding the desire to head that way since he is not there. Actually I think I will go to bed after eating a brautwarst because damn it I am really hungry at the moment and I refuse to go to bed starving because damn it that is just insane. I am grown and refuse to starve.