Another day in the neighborhood, won't you be my neighbor?

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood, won't you be my neighbor? I don't know where Mr. Rogers came from but damn it there he is. I am still up and need to be in bed. I agreed to take the soon to be ex husband to a procedure tomorrow early in the morning. I need to be there at 8:30am he says. I can't believe he is doing it that early cuz when we were together he wouldn't have made it that early at all. Hell he wouldn't get up early to do anything with me period so who am I fooling. It is a damn shame too or at least it was a damn shame because now I don't fucking care. It is not my problem to deal with anymore. Besides I rather enjoy getting up with my new man. I enjoy staying the night at his place and getting up with him as he gets ready for work since I do not have to at this particular moment. It is nice to spend a little time with him before he leaves. I was so disappointed when I woke up 20mins after he left that one morning. I was just so very disappointed. He really doesn't understand why but I do and it is just a feel good feeling. Jenfer thinks I should look there for a job in South Carolina on the cool while my boyfriend is out on Christmas vacation because she says you never know. Which of course is true and I might as well have all my ducks in a row if I am going to do it. Don't look for a job after he gets back because if he ask me to go with him I will have already looked and sent resumes. I don't know though, I am nervous. I don't know what makes me think that he would even ask me something like that. I am living in dreamy land I know. I mean but what does it hurt to dream that my man would take me with him as his job moves him around the world and we grow this relationship. Ok I am dreaming/hoping/wishing for a lot I know. I can hear my boyfriend now, don't you think that is asking a little too much, but all I can say is anything that I ask for is never too much when it involves us being together. At least that is what I am feeling for him at this moment. It isn't infatuation (<---sp?) either. I mean it is odd. I'm really comfy around him, it feels good to be my complete self and not have to hide anything about me or hold anything back. I can be as sily as I wish and as crazy and as goofy as I want. I don't have to hide who my friends are either. I mean either he clicks with them or he doesn't and he doesn't make a big fucking deal about it either. Today he let me told me he mentioned me to some of his other friends across the world. Oh it made me feel very fucking special although that doesn't mean anything. He could say girlfriend and have another one next month and they won't exactly know which girlfriend he is talking about and he wouldn't have to specify. So is it really special that he mentioned me? You know I'm going to hold on to the fact that it is and run with it.
We talked on the phone once again today. I feel silly for mentioning it but I am. It feels funny because it is a rare occurence that is starting to happen a lot more often and we are having a lot more to say of course. I say of course because being on the phone with him use to be akward and I am not much a phone person but things are slowly changing and I am glad for that. They are changing and happening in a positive light.
I better get to bed being that I am getting up early on one of my leisure days. Part of me wants to dress cute just to let him know that I'm looking good yes and he messed up but the real me is just going to find whatever and put on whatever. I can't get my boyfriend out of my mind. I am just so damn passionate about him. Him just being him overwhelms me with passion and I let him know that too. I think he realizes it by himself though. I always tell him I'm sorry I can't keep my hands off of him and he always ask why and he hears the same answer, just because you are Omar, that is all you will ever need to do is just be you baby.

The Day After Thanksgiving (Ok, it's just Friday)

Today was an interesting yet boring day to say the least. We didn't go out of town just as I suspected because I mean Melissa's tooth was hurting just way too bad. I mean hell, the damn teeth have made her miss a full week of work and has had her crying up until today. I think this is the only day out of this entire week she has felt bearable, eating, not crying, throwing up, and/or anything else in that neighborhood. I am kind of bummed we didn't go to San Antonio but it is probably best. Her cousin is dying and she really needs to remember him the last time she saw him healthy and not in the state that I hear he is in. She will be going to the funeral but that is a good thing. She can say her goodbyes there and remember him how he was, which I am sure that is what he would want. Yes of course he would have loved to see her before he goes but I'm sure he has a million other things on his mind or not.
With saying I didn't go out of town and mentioning that to my boyfriend, he said if I don't go out of town feel free to book him. I tried that and guess what folks, I didn't see him all day today. He said he had a little cold; his throat hurt and his sinuses were completely closed this morning when he woke up. Needless to say due to that we haven't seen each other today. I can and did of course survive it although I didn't want to at all. He said his best friend asked him to go out but he was not feeling it. You know if he would have went out with his friend instead of seeing me like he said I could I would have been pissed to the highest level. I don't mind if he wants to go out with his friends at all but don't tell me or hype me up for seeing you, you are sick the next day, I don't see you at least during the day and then you go out. Oh who wouldn't be pissed, I mean completely 100% pissed and not wanting to see him for a very long while. We text most of the day though or should I say as long as he wasn't sleep we were texting each other.
I don't know why I feel as if he is lying to me about being sick. I've been through text and realized it was 4hrs at a time we didn't talk. Then I've been through what he has said to me. Oh I am just being crazy. I guess the boyfriend lying to me in the past that he was out of town and then for him to tell me later that he wasn't and why he lied has scared me a little. Then it doesn't help when I am nervous about this relationship already. He is suppose to be leaving in Jan and we are growing closer. I mean he has already said yea, him leaving is something we don't want to think about.
I gotta learn to trust him. I think I do I am just having a hard time getting in touch with that because I am so scared of what is going on. Sometimes I think it is going no where but then I see that it is when I open up and talk with him or we learn more about each other. I could be trippin. I mean completely. He could just be using this time as yeah I'm getting another girlfriend before I leave, let me learn what I can from her and spend good times with her, show her good times can be had while I am here and then once I leave say my goodbye to her.
I don't know what it is though but I don't feel that in my gut. That is not my gut feeling that that is his intention. I try not to let me mind wonder that he will ask me to go with him but something in my gut says that might be his intention. I don't know, my gut doesn't know, my mind doesn't know, wait did I mention I didn't know altogether about anything. We'll just have to see what happens and where this goes.
The odd thing about us being apart is that I can't fucking sleep. I can't fucking sleep at all DAMN IT!!! I mean if I get in the bed, close my eyes and have the pooch there with me then yes I am in LaLa Land but before that, I'm on the couch on the damn computer as if I don't need to be in bed. It is like I don't want to go to bed because he is not there. I don't know. I know it sounds crazy but maybe that is just what it is, crazy. When I am with him at his place I wake up at least once and gotta go to the bathroom. I fall right back to sleep but I wake up just that once. He wakes up a few times with me during the night but he says he sleeps with me. I wonder if that has changed for the better since we have been spending more nights together. I know I don't wake up as much anymore. Ok I am rambling because it is 2:12am and I am suppose to be sleep because that is what I told him I was going to be 2hrs ago but I just had to get this stuff off my chest. It is part of that I need to go to bed and should have long ago but not finding the desire to head that way since he is not there. Actually I think I will go to bed after eating a brautwarst because damn it I am really hungry at the moment and I refuse to go to bed starving because damn it that is just insane. I am grown and refuse to starve.

TuRkEy DaY!!

IT wasn't that big a deal this year just like it wasn't too much last year either but then again last year thanksgiving I was married. Which I still am on a technicallity. I think I spelled that word correctly. My first year without my husband on Thanksgiving which was kind of a relief because you know what, when he was around my family it was hard for me to be myself and I thought he was judging everything they did and that he didn't even want to be there to be honest. This year I have a boyfriend and he went out of town to his best friend's girlfriend's parent's house. It was interesting to have spent plenty of time together and then to spend one day apart and want to see him so bad at the end of the day. Of course I didn't see him all due to the fact he wouldn't allow it because trust me I tried but no such luck. I mean you know a girl of course has to try. Suppose to go out of town tomorrow (Friday) but we shall see because Melissa really doesn't feel good at all. Her tooth hurts unbelievably then to top it off none of the pain meds are working or staying down because they are making her sick to her stomach. We shall see.

Intense Metamorphosis

It hasn't been as long as time makes it seem. It hasn't been very long at all. It doesn't feel like forever but it feels comfortable already. The nights there are no sex no one is upset we joke about it later. I can't wait to bind him by my hands and see how that turns out. Having fun is pretty much garaunteed no matter what we do. Even if it is just staying at home on the computer and watching tv. He is very different and it is very scary. We aren't at a stand still in our relationship but we are growing closer together. I mean how messed up is it that when it is time to go that he will just be able to turn off his feelings like that but then again I don't know what is going to happen when it is time for him to depart Texas. How awesome would it be if he asked me to go with him? I don't know if I would be able to contain myself but I can hear him now, don't you think that is too much? Omar, nothing I ask for is ever too much, especially when it involves finding out where this could lead.
He is different and I feel very special that he has graced my life with his presence. He was especially great when I was ill on Saturday after his birthday. I know next time before I do any drinking with him and his friends again I need plenty o' water. I think I still baffle him about why I can't keep my hands off of him but I just can't and yes that even includes when he gives me a hard time about it. He's just so damn sexy to me. I mean him just being him is just sublime. I need something to munch on. I am craving some chips but none are here, I can't believe we forgot to pick those up. Now I'm here with plenty of sweets but nothing salty like I need. I don't know though. I'll find something to eat on in there.

Day after Halloween

Here it is the day after Halloween and I haven't seen him yet. I haven't seen him since I think Tuesday morning. We are suppose to have a long weekend together or so the text says which I will believe and I will certainly enjoy. I can't believe he left his phone yet again but then again I can because when he got in from the club he got high. High late at night with him usually means he left his damn phone at home. Of course this time I didn't get mad because now I know and realized when he didn't message by 12:33pm what was up. It was a cute message he sent when he got home. It made me smile which he usually does. He called me also today. Something about hearing that voice makes me smile as well. Just so many things about this make me nervous. He claims something about me getting an italian flag tattooed on me. I said if you pay for it I will do it. Why did I say that I do not know because guess what, I may be getting antoher tattoo on me. I am just so all over the place with my thoughts and this thing here called a blog. So many things to write about one person. One person making so many times in my life happy ones. I don't want to label what we have but it is different to be in something I didn't have to label. It feels like something is almost understood without the specific words. I really wish he didn't have to leave when he leaves. It is a sad sucky thing, very sad and sucky but I guess it has to happen since here is not where home is. Where he is from is a very beautiful place. I wouldn't mind seeing it in person at all.

This day has been a very high day. Sleep was good this morning. I woke up before the best friend, I was afraid she wasn't going to make it to work but she did. She ended up coming home half a day and getting her prescriptions because her tooth was killing her once again but at least this time there is pain meds around and she can get done what she needs to get done, YAY!!! Then once the teeth are gone I'm sure those headaches will slow down a whole hell of a lot. Mine have slowed down a ton and I think it is because now I am happy and away from a job that wasn't using my full potential. I know I haven't been getting up much on my resume but that is about to damn sure change and who knows hopefully I can work at a Starbucks for some extra change while I'm on severance from the bank.