Really don't know

I just really don't know. I don't know what to think. I don't know where we are headed and I'm really confused but this is very enjoyable. Not planning anything big or any future except what is happening just next weekend not what is happening weeks or months from now unless it involves him leaving which I am also confused on. He says now he doesn't know when in Dec he is leaving if it will even be in Dec. I'm nervous about that very nervous about that because I would be flattered if I am the reason you stayed but I will be terrified if I am the reason he decided to stay a little longer. I will say that I have had the most fun that I have had in a long time meeting Omar. I have been to two concerts and going to my 3rd. The cooking lessons, the time together, the learning of each other we are doing is great. Going with the flow is a little scary but fun at the same time.


I can't believe Ellie brought her toy to him and snuggled up with him in bed. I mean all this could end tomorrow and I can just enjoy the time that we had, I so know that and realize for any reason he could be gone tomorrow. I will be very hurt when he is leaving for home or at least to the next state for his job. Ok, I digress; I still can't believe how well behaved she was last night and I'm still really excited she didn't use the potty in his place. She did all her business outside like a good little pooch but back to what I was saying, he threw the toy, Ellie went to go get it and instead of bringing it back to me like she usually does when anyone throws it she brought it back to him. I don't think she cares to much for the company that came over but I think that will change. She was just trying to be protective last night but I still can't believe it. She actually watched him throughout the movie. It was funny.

Last night though I felt a little inadequate in the political conversation because I haven't dealt with politics since my husband and I separated. I mean that is all the husband could talk about and it would drive me fucking mad although we agreed but sometimes he would beat the fuck out of a dead horse. All I know is, I am going to vote again although I feel my vote doesn't count what so ever. I think a democrat is going to win just because the place is tired of the republicans fucking up as usual. Company could be right or wait the man could be right about the us not being for a black or woman president but what plain jane white guy is out there running for the crats, no one so what choices are left when we and the I'm sure the entire world are ready for the republicans to move around for a long bit if not forever, lol.

The Italian Flag

It has been a while since I started dating him and it so far has been fun and scary. I think the scary part is more or so my feelings towards him. I know he is leaving in a bit, I know he is going to South Carolina in Dec, to be honest December 1st, which is too close for comfort. Last night or should I say this morning he gave me the key to his apartment. Of course just to lock up after I leave so that I could sleep in while he left for work. It felt a little odd so I left a little earlier than I had to but I was fine with it. I straightened up for him a bit too. I cleaned the kitchen as much as I felt worthy, the living room and put up all those damn shoes that were in my way when I came in, oh I also made up the bed. I think I wasmore or less doing it for me and not him, lol. He appreciated it. I was sure he would. I am just so freaking tired it isn't even funny. I have taken a shower and have soaked in the fact that Omar said he might stay in Texas a few weeks longer than what he is suppose to. Or at least that is what I am thinking. He for sure made me smile when he told me that. I am really enjoying him and it has been a blast getting to know each other. It is very scary how things are turning out. I mean nice and I am thinking slow but you know I just don't know. We're just spending time together and having a good time. He trust me, I mean who just leaves their keys with just anyone and says ok lock up when you get up and I'll get the key from you later? I mean I know I wouldn't. I would have to have a good amount of trust in you.
We went to a haunted house on Sunday. It wasn't at all what it was suppose to be cracked up to be. I hope that made sense if not I understood, lol. We spent $155.58 for four people to get in including speed passes to skip the damn line. First of all there was a line, matter of fact the line was an hour long, then 45mins to get thru the damn thing. The real line took 4hours to get through so the speed pass was a deal but still. Then to top it all off it wasn't even scary. I jumped only a couple of times. I wonder if he will do one more for me. I want to try SCREAMS. My friend Catt says it is pretty good but hopefully we will see. Or at least try Fright Night at Six Flags. I'm just so thrilled I have found someone fun and so damn willing to do so much stuff and any damn thing I wish.

Thought Invasion

He has interrupted my thoughts several times this evening. I have tried to smoke, jam, eat, orgasm yet everything I have tried he invades my thoughts like space invaders and I think it is rude. I can't help but play Hey Sexy Lady by Shaggy and Sean Paul. I mean WTF!?!?! man. I feel he is out dating/fucking/sleeping with someone else which I shouldn't care as long as he treats me like I'm the only one in the world when I am with him. That should be the only thing that matters and truly it does because I really terribly enjoy being with him when I am but gosh when he isn't with me he plays space invaders in my mind and I swear that is just wrong. Not to mention I'm listening to the very song that makes me think about him. I don't know what it is about this song but it brings him into my mind and a smile on my face. Then I am listening to it on the system he bought me. *SSSSSCCCCRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!*



I just had to scream. He was driving me to scream. I am sure he is out with his friends shaking it. What will piss me off though is if he was out with his friends at the State Fair after he offered Mel and I could join but I don't believe, I hope he wouldn't do that. I guess my mind is just wondering because he sent me a text at 7:17p tonight, I responded back and what no answer. Something about that doesn't surprise me and I should move on but part of me is on the wonder. I mean hell if someone treated you the way he treats me would you want someone else to be getting what you are getting at the same time? Damn I know he is leaving in Dec, can't he just wait until then. I mean the thought of him dancing up on some other girl drives me fucking insane. I mean something fucking serious. I am cool though. I just need to get it out. I guess I just want and miss him at the moment.

Is he thinking of me? What is on his mind? Surly it can't be me since he never responded at all and here it is 2:29am. This is freaking crazy. I mean shit, I know he doesn't do this when I'm out and about and he is out home chilling on it. I'm sure I'm the furthest thing from his mind. I'm listening to the Lemon Tree. Something of his I downloaded from his downloaded music. I need to go over there and get more of it because I am missing some items. This is freaking retarded.
Thinking of just being alone and being in his arms. I know I gotta get out and do stuff with him because yes of course that is also where it is at but damn the thought invasion is something serious. Tomorrow I am giving him choices on what to do after pizza. I am nervous about the choice but he will have plenty. I decided on pizza so the activity is his for the choosing.

What the hell is it about him that has me just so all fucking all over the wall? Why can't I treat him like every other guy trying to seduce me and win me over? Grrrrrrrr this is so freaking hard to understand. Ass like that by eminem is on. YOu know just another song to think about his crazy monkey ass. Hope he doesn't read this one day but maybe by then he'll understand that monkey ass was used as a term of endearment. The people that know about him ask do I have a picture which I do and *GASP* I just realized he has pictures of Mel and I doing crazy things. I need to get back on the workout. I need to hit that something serious come Monday. I need to get back in shape. You know get back to that body that turned Omar on. Yeah baby, I gotta get hot again. Hell who knows I might just hit it this weekend.

I was trippin'

I was trippin'. I told you it was all because he said what he said before he left. They return and in his arms is a Bose sound system for my laptop. I can't believe this man just spent a crazy impromptu amount of money on me. I am really enjoying the sound system. I wanted to scream, jump on him and such but I didn't want him to think that money/buying things is the way to keep me smiling but I really am flabergasted that he bought it. I had to call in sick today because I had a migraine on the right side on my brain that was killing the fuck out of me from my head down to my wrist and that was just crazy. I wanted to stay home and just play with it all day but I ended up going to mally's and getting really fucking stoned and just taking the most delicious nap that I haven't had in the longest time. It was just us girls sleeping in the bed as we were watching a movie on the dvr. It was really nice and cool to relax and not have to worry about some man bothering me because I am with my friends chilling on it. I did a lot of thinking about Omar today. I hate when I have such a freaking good time with him and then he is all I can think about the next day. It is like I'm in an "aw" kind of state for at least the next 24hrs then I am back to being me, lol. We are suppose to hang out Saturday and Sunday which I can't wait to experience. I hate both nights we gotta leave each other because Sunday morning I gotta do my volunteer work at AIDS LifeWalk. I can't wait for that either. It will be a blast. I also wish I didn't have to do it at the same time because I wanted to spend some time with Omar because he is leaving me and going to South Carolina for a while then he is going back home. He says he is coming back but of course he doesn't know when. It just sucks a bunch. Ok I'm tired from this wild time we had last night. I'll have to write about that later cuz I am getting off this thing because it is driving me crazy to be on this computer.

One of my clouds is leaving

It is leaving Dec. 1st which is kind of fucked up because we are getting along so great but oh well I guess all good things must come to an end. I really was enjoying this particular cloud. Someone said I am completely myself around him and I guess I can tell that I am being myself instead of what I think they want me to be. I don't know though. It is early and of course you know how all things go so maybe it is good we are splitting at this time but hell I don't know what I am saying. Not like I am love but damn I was starting to have fun with him now I only have like a month and a half to enjoy him. I am glad I cancelled other plans I had going on to see him. I believe I would have been thinking about him the entire time I was out so I'm glad I cancelled. It was well worth it. Even though he is out with my best friend right now doing gawd knows but I gotta trust him and her now don't I until they prove me different. That is a lot of trust but I can do it, I'm being silly. Jealousy is an ugly thing but when you only have someone for a little while longer what do you do? I mean come on, you gotta understand where a girl is coming from. I'm so tipsy from doing shots it is not even funny, ok I'm not like that yet or anything but a girl just had to say something cuz I am also stoned in a very good way. Oh but the rice is fucking up!! It can't fuck up now. I can't be trying to cook for him and then the rice wants to act a donkey fool. Gosh man am I asking for too damn much at this moment in time!?!?! I can't be please rice come on and turn out right. Part of me wants to go outside so bad but I am trying to be the bigger person and you know what it isn't my mind that has to live with it. Ok just getting what I feel out. I can't believe Reese just sent me a text asking if I missed him yet. Damn dude how long has it been? I mean come on if I missed you don't you think I would have contacted you by now? I mean really? I sent him something asking him how long has it been? I haven't heard from him yet. Ok this entry can't be about what I really want it to be about so I'm just going to jet for the hot moment. Arrrrrrrrrrgh, I had this for a completely different reason and now it isn't working out.

Ok I would have been completely ok if Omar didn't say something that he did. Now it is bothering the FUCK OUT OF ME!!! I don't know why but it fucking is. "Don't worry I'm not going to do nothing with her." Ok gee fucking thanks, the thought wasn't anywhere near my head but since you brought it the fuck up it is bothering the fucking hell out of me. What else am I suppose to be thinking at the moment. I'm well on losing my buzz. I mean I actually just lost my buzz. I'm trying to be nice and not continue by myself and hello eat. It is like what 8:42pm. The hateful part in me wants to be in the shower when they walk in just to piss Omar off. Well it wouldn't exactly piss him off but he would be a little p'turbed because he does want to shower with me or so I think. Hmmm, I wonder what all that is about. I was fucking fine now it is driving me fucking looney. I want to scream so fucking bad I guess that is why I am on here about to scream right now. Nothing like a good scream while getting blowed and before you lose your mind.

A good ol' weekend

The three day weekend wasn't so bad, wasn't so bad. Friday night I went out with Omar to Rio Mambo and had my first Berry-jito, it taste like strawberry. Ok, it didn't taste like cough syrup but strawberry I'm not so sure about that. Omar had a raspberry mijito and I will say it had a TON of raspberry flavoring off in that right there. Ellie was a sweet dog on her first night there. She was perfect when it came to sleeping and using the potty the next day. I think I wrote about this already but I just had to mention it again because she is just like the most fabulous pooch.


I didn't see him Saturday evening but Saturday morning Omar made me a little something to eat. He made me the most delish cappuccino and a cresent<---what it is called actually I can't spell at the moment, with strawberry preserves w/coconut shavings heated in the microwave topped with whip cream. Oh he was a mess and I was full on sugar but delish delish I must say. I didn't chat with him much again after that because he was going to the Ricky Martin concert with Fabio. Oh he gave me the tickets to the concert Mel and I are going to that he and I can't go to because he has a dinner meeting that night or whatever and it is Evanecence, however the hell you spell that, lol. I guess I could look at the ticket but oh the hell well. We are going to have a blast but I am so ticked that Omar and I can't go. I believe we would of had a good time. Rio Mambo was interesting. Him and his doggy bag goings on were a trip and then I ended up with a small to go box. He asked why did I feed Ellie from the can when I had some stuff in the fridge. Hey dude that is mine, all mine and sweetcheeks I ate that the next day and it was YUMMY!!Mel and I went to see Bourne Ultimatium and it was Bourne Trash!! We fell asleep throughout the movie, each time waking up feeling as if we didn't miss a thing. We finally just walked out of the movie, came home and went to bed I think.

Oh man we got Omar fucked up so bad it wasn't even real. He fell asleep over here and that's all we remember. I mean we remember more but we remember nothing about right before we fell asleep. All I remember saying is, "You know I'm not kickin' you out right?" He laid back down or actually just moved a little bit then next thing you know it is 3:45am and we are waking up to Mel's morning alarm clock. Oh that hug see you later in the driveway felt so damn good I didn't want to let my "comfy teddy b" go at all. I surely wish he didn't have to be at work and I can't believe we got him so stoned and feeling good on wine and "good lovin" he left his cell phone at home. His eyes were so red it wasn't even funny, ok wait it was funny. I mean damn his eyes were as red as our AIDS LifeWalk shirts. Poor thing said he woke up so stoned he left his phone at home. Oh his eyes were red oh my. I know I keep saying that but if ya'll could have seen them ya'll would have been tripping too.
We had a blast last night, all three of us. Drinking wine from the bottle, eating some very delicious food, listening to music, getting stoned, I mean what more could you ask for? I know it could have been not being up at 3:45am, lol.

The Next Day, Saturday 3:36am

The next it is and Ms. Ellie was a great and sweet pooch staying at Omar's place. She whined a little bit while we were out eating but that is understandable being that she was in a new place stuck in her kennel the person she loves the most gone with some guy she has to smell the whole time. She was perfect in the fact she didn't poop or pee in his place or make any noises while we tried to watch a movie or sleep.
I asked him about Ellie staying the night, he was trying to type a long message but of course it cut off at the word no when he was typing no problem. Oh it cracked me up when I didn't get/read it all at once and I was telling him that he had to stay at my place or I had to leave but I could stay later than usual. Glad it worked out where I was wrong and Ellie was able to stay. I think she enjoyed herself and eating stuff off the floor. I think Omar enjoyed her too. He just won't admit that to me. We went out to eat at Rio Mambo near his place. It was a pretty interesting place I must say. Maybe I should have suggested La Familia but thought it not best. Actually I didn't think about that place at all until now but the dish I had night was delicious. The drink was really interesting. I must say I was proud of myself for drinking just one, hehehe truth be told I could only probably handle one.

I really don't know if I should be affection with Omar in public or not. I don't know if it is something I should bring up or just let it be what it is. Somethings they just don't give you a manual on when it comes to getting to know someone. You know something like a pre-know guide. At least he doesn't mind being seen out with me. It was his idea to go out. Although he "let me choose" so he says, he knew which one I would pick of course. He knew what he was asking when he asked it. He was willing to do whatever it is I wanted him to do though. That is the cool thing about the situation. No matter what it is I would have choosen he would have been happy doing it.

Not only did he swoop up all my free days he also has me going to a haunted house twice. It will not be the same one twice just that I will be going to a haunted house with the girls and then with him as well. It was sweet when I mentioned it to him and he said I was cheating. I am off to the movies. Going to see the last bourne movie we think.

Nerve wrecking again, DAMN THIS!!!

Here it is again, another hair pulling experience, the paranoia in me is just making my mind go 90miles per hour. I shouldn't be thinking about him like this but I am. Oh he didn't text me around the usual time and I just wanted to fucking scream but I made it and didn't scream. I just put him, well the cell phone out of sight out of mind and it worked. He was texting by 1pm telling me he had a hell of a day which I concluded but just took me a moment of school girl frantics to get through first before I let it sink in that hello he may just be having a hell of a busy day. I know I need Omar meetings, it is crazy, lol. I'm breathing I'm breathing, trust me everyone nothing to see here I'm just trippin, lol.
After all that waiting and us chatting a little, he won't be able to see me tonight after all. He has meetings until 7pm which he said would put him home at 8 and me there probably by 830/9ish but I gotta leave around 1030/11ish which isn't fair to my gas tank or to the both of us. I don't think 2hrs of seeing each other would make us happy campers, hell I'm not sure I would be able to just leave at 1030/11ish if you want to be real about it.

We talked about the situation and he understands since I gotta get up early in the morning for work. Damn it for getting up at 430am. It is just WRONG!!! We agreed tomorrow will just be better. Then he said he'll see me as soon as you.... i am off. Now I don't know who he takes me for but ummmmmmmm I believe last time we were together, SUNDAY, he said he was off this Friday because he called me lucky for being off half a day last Friday. Yeah I had to call him on that one. I told him, um aren't you off this Friday you lucky duck? I said just hit me up when you are ready for me to come over tomorrow since you will be off, lol. Of course I get no response. He wants to over look that comment which is fine but I guess I just wanted to let him know I may not say a lot but I don't forget a whole bunch. He dismissed me by not responding but I can handle it. Who knows maybe he smirked at my comment but he said he will chat with me later. I'll be at home looking crazy since I won't be out there seeing him which sucks a bunch. That is where I would rather be. I want to see him, shoooooooot I would call in late just to stay there a little later in the evening but that wouldn't be responsible at all and besides I chill and toke with my girl before we go to work so I would miss that and I belive she would too as many times as she has stayed out but made it a point to be back home at least by in the morning. I'm going to play the responsible one this time but I can't promise anything on that next time, lol.
I just hope when I chat with him on text this evening he will be ok with me bringing Ms. Ellie Bellie along.

What's the deal bill??

Here it is Wednesday and I have not a clue as into what I am doing this evening. Omar hasn't made any plans with me yet for this evening so I guess I'm not seeing him this evening. Bryan and his girlfriend have already hit me up so I guess I'm seeing them around 7pm tonight. Who knows what we'll end up doing over there. He just turned 40 yesterday so he is still the birthday boy, lol. I assume Omar is waiting until the long weekend to do something but with him who knows. Hit him up with a simple text Hello yesterday and then about 830ish hit him up again. Well his battery was down all day so he didn't hit me back up until 9ish when he got home to recharge it. Of course I'm curious, of course I'm a little piturbed he is just now getting back home at 9ish to recharge it when I know he gets off work way earlier than that, of course I want to ask well where were you. Of course I want to do all those things but I realize and understand I can't. He isn't mine to do so with. I guess it's the fact I enjoy him so much and he is leaving in Dec. Of course I don't want him to go but you know I knew he was leaving from jump. Hell I wasn't suppose to like him this much, I wasn't suppose to enjoy his company at all. I don't even think I was going to give him a chance after the first date but here it is a few weeks later and we've seen each other twice every week since then. The more time I spend with him the more I start to like him. I'm trying not to let him know or show it too much. I don't want to push him away being he is leaving anyway. He said he'll be back but that could be years from now. I mean he has been over here for years whose to say he won't be where he is going or will end up for years before I see him again.
He made me smile a few times I was over there with him this last time and I'm not talking just sex either. He said a few things that made me blush. Me laying down on the floor next to him was nice and he is going to get me to spend the night yet. I blushed it was sweet. It has been a while where I could just be me. I was me with my husband but not completely me. My husband wouldn't dare lay on the floor to watch tv and he damn sure wouldn't have stayed there just to have me lay next to him.
I'm just nervous and don't know what to do with myself. I haven't dated anyone in 7-8 years and my husband has ruined me for certain things and this being one of them. I don't want to be clingy or suffocating. I'm trying to back off and let him make a move or two but he already told me he wouldn't contact me too much because he doesn't want to be a bother. I'm afraid we'll both try not to bother each other and not call like we want to.
I don't know what to do I don't know what to do. I'm blogging to get this off my chest cuz this is just crazy I think. I have just got to tell him, look sometimes I don't know what to do. Sometimes I don't know if I should text you or not. I don't know if I am bugging you or not. I know you aren't mine to control and I wouldn't ever want to control you, I know we aren't in a relationship, nothing serious. I know you are free to date other people but I guess my problem is, is I like you way too much way too fast and I'm about to scream over here.


He has done it to me again, shocked me. He texted me and now I don't know how it happened but I'm seeing him Thursday (tomorrow), Friday and Sunday. What the hell, how the heck did that happen? Am I going to have to board the pooch for all this time spending? He swooped in and got all my free days. I can't believe it. My mouth is literally on the floor and I am confused, roflmbao. Welp I am seeing him those days. I wonder if he will let me bring my Elefantita over or do I need to let Steven watch her or what's going on. I guess we will see when I see him tomorrow and ask him face to face if I can bring his favorite "rat" over, lol. My pooch is NOT a rat!!