Invading my mind space

He has invaded my mind space once again. I'm sitting there chilling and here he comes popping the hell up out of no where. I'm trying not to think about him. I'm trying to put others in my thoughts. Especially the cutie I met last night although now he wants to act like a difficult punk but we shall see. They both claim they want to hang with me again but we shall see on that too. They both claim they like me a lot and got excited when I mentioned hanging again but we will see. He hasn't invaded my thoughts since this morning and right now because I am typing about him but other than that I think I am going to make it. This other young one I am sure can take my mind off of him but we shall see. The first young one gets on my nerves and I"m sure these other two will too but I'll give them time. The first one wants to be an adult but doesn't know what to do with himself, these other two have found themselves by being out there if that makes any sense. I mean I guess I can tell we have all had our life lessons, not all of them of course and out of the 4 of us a few of use more life lessons than others but hey it is a learning experience and I gotta experience the moment and not get wrapped up in the boys/men. I gotta remember I am recently separated and I am for damn sure not ready for someone else to have a life besides me so it is driving me crazy that they do especially after we have met and hung out. Did I give it to them too early? Is that it? Did they get it and figure oh well we will call her when we get ready or is it just me over reacting? Of course we all play the game, call talk, get to know you then once we have each other I guess we should back off if we aren't trying to handle/have anything serious. That is what I got to remember, NOTHING SERIOUS, but that isn't what is hard to remember, the backing up part. I think what kills me is one that was all up on it has backed up but he was doing that after I told him to slow down. I guess I am just really not knowing what to do with myself since I have been in a relationship for 7-8yrs where his entire life was me and that was it. If he wasn't at work he was at my coat tails. Men are just strange and I'm tired of trying to figure them out, whether they like you or not, if they are playing games or pushing back because they don't want to feel too much either. I just gotta be me and hope that is all I need to be. I can't help it I'm a horny nut. Just because I gave it to you and maybe I did give it to you the first day/night we met doesn't mean I'm easy or a slut. Hell I like sex just like any man, woman, person. So what if I like you enough or I am attracted to you enough I want to get a little and why can't I. That is why sometimes I like the older men, they realize it isn't about being a slut or easy it is about liking sex and being attracted enough to the other person to just give in give it up and have some fun. Maybe one of these young ones will take me out. I'm suppose to have a date tomorrow with a guy around my age but we shall see how this is going to happen. He is suppose to come out my way from Greenville but we shall see. I ought to just put an add out there. I have plenty of dick coming my way I just want and need to be wined and dined and who knows what could happen between us but we shall see with these youngsters. They may take me out if I say something. One, actually both were willing we just ended up calling it a night in.

Confused and I like him too much

Why do I like him so much? I shouldn't like him this much. I just met the fool and he is all I can think about. He sent one message via MySpace, I sent a reply, he sent another message with a phone number and I responded with mine. He called me first, all out of the blue. It shocked my stuff and for a minute I thought he was someone else. Finally I figured out who he was and all we could do was talk. That was on a Monday. Next thing you know he is chilling at my house with Mally, Mel and myself on Friday evening. 420 friendly he is, brought a bud of dro which I didn't expect for Mally to bumrush him with her stuff like she did but it was cool. He was just amazed because he came over to smoke some with us, you know bringing it to share and here we are sharing ours with him which was very cool that we could ALL chill, no one feel uneasy. After a while he left, went to Autozone or so he says. Nothing I can do but believe him. He left my place I would have to say around 8:30p. Our intentions were not to see each other until tomorrow (Saturday). Next thing I know is, he is back at my place after a few text messages and he didn't leave until around 6am Saturday morning. I was a little sad we didn't get to go out but that is cool. He went to get his hair cut or so he says but claims the hair person is his homey so who knows what went on but I'm not suppose to like him this much. I wasn't suppose to trust him enough to share an XTC pill with him. I wasn't suppose to enjoy spending that much time with him and Ellie sho wasn't suppose to be all chihuahua friendly about the situation either. I wasn't suppose to want to go out with him on Saturday after seeing him all that time but we didn't.
Then he surprises me Sunday by calling and texting me. Oh I can't handle it. Im not use to someone having a life. I'm not use to someone not answering when I call or calling right back or hitting me up immediately when I send a text. I'm just so not use to him having a life or anyone else besides me for that matter. He is separated from his wife and has been for 2months he claims. He said the breaking up was her idea. They have 3 small children together, 1 girl that is 5 or almost 5 and twin boys. We've already established the fact since they have been broke up that they have had sex together since then. He claims because it is routine and kind of habit which hey he's not my bf, not my man who am I to complain when he isn't the only one I'm giving it up to. He claims she has a bf or a guy she is seeing now. Hey we'll see. I've visited her myspace page. Of course I had to see the competition and she is cute but of course I gotta try to be more cute, lol. From what it seems he is telling the truth they are separated. I'm not reading too much into this. I just can't stand I like him this much and so fast. I guess what is killing me is because I don't know what he is thinking, how he feels about me. All I know is he has a life and I better find one quick but it is hard after you haven't had one for so long. It is crazy. I'll find one and show him I'm not some clingy chick especially when I am not. It is just hard when you meet someone and enjoy spending time with them and they are into the same things you are into from 420 to tattoos and art. I think the reason it is so hard for me to get over this one because we really click. I've met or trying to meet my fair share of guys but none of them have clicked with me like this one. Ok enough about him. I believe I have blogged enough to get him out of my system. Besides he is out of town for "work" until Friday. I guess I don't believe or keep him at a distance because I just recently separated and this is too much too fast. Ok I'm getting a life and here quick quick, lol.

Moving his stuff

Tomorrow he starts moving his stuff and I finally get the laptop back which I am just way too excited about getting it back. I thought about it last night and he is getting a lot of stuff. I don't think I'm going to let him have the tv because he can afford to get another one and he will be alright waiting a little bit until he gets one. Hell he doesn't have a car note and I am helping him enough by packing his stuff, giving him towels, silverware on top of him taking his grandparents silverware that he will probably never polish. Then he is taking all the clocks, the bench in the kitchen, & the dinning room table, both chairs and ottomans so screw that, he can leave the tv. I know on the computer also he isn't getting that big external hard drive because he can afford to get one himself and also he isn't getting the external dvd burner/player either besides it doesn't work on Vista anyway. Now I gotta find a new place to feed the cats that is high enough where Ellie won't get in their food. That's something else I gotta deal with. I'm just trying to make those move so easy and everything just go without any arguments or anything cuz he pisses me off in the first place because he wants to control but can't give up his old ways and stop drinking.