This is hard

I love him and I don't want him gone but he can't go picking my friends. It is hard cooking around here knowing it won't be him eating it, it is going to be hard not havig him hold me at night or watching as Ellie sleeps in his lap on the days that he is off. It will be hard not watching David Letterman together, it will be hard knowing he is alone but he has got to change his way of thinking. I am 29yrs old and we don't have any kids. Why can't I have a night out with the girls? Why can't I have my friends and do things with them that he doesn't want to do anymore. It is wrong that I should have to sit in the house and do nothing unless it is with him or alone, that is just crazy to me. I love him and I love him dearly but I also can no longer put up with his drinking. When I need him the most I cry because he is too drunk to hold me, tell me he loves me or do anything else for that matter because he is too tipsy, drunk or what the hell ever sometimes drunk sleep and tipsy. I mean I am trying to be a good wife but what kind of husband is he being for me. He is not the man I use to be very deeply in love with. Oh gawd this hurts but I must move on.
I think Mel and I should start doing Passion parties. I think that would be good for us and we could make some good money.

He left me

Came home Thursday to a best friend I have never met before. She had attitude when she picked us up. She didn't even empty my kitty litter box and I would have done so for her. She didn't even pick up the spit up, I think she actually came over here only one day you want to have the honest truth. Maybe just a couple of days to once check on the animals and then again just to throw the mail in the house but oops oh well, I just know now who won't be watching my house again while I am gone. In other news, that same night we came home from Vegas I made a call to get some stuff since steven had been whining about how bad I needed it. I was gone an hour and a half and came back to him acting a complete fool. I ended up tearing up the already tore blinds also tossed this vase on the mantle because I was just too finished. I came home to someone with attitude, he had been complaining the whole time in and out of Vegas and ohh gawd if we didn't find a bottle of alcohol for the room it just wasn't going to be right. Welp, needless to say he called the cops on me so I left, I came back though an hour later after the cops left just as a coincidence. Then I grabbed what I came back for and I left until about 2am only to come back to him withh the door barricaded and him with three guns near him while he slept. I came in hid his things so nothing would happen to me while I slept. Needless to say they ended up coming back as I was unpacking. Officer Simmons was a cutie. Welp he went to go get a haircut and his comissions license so he said. He is now staying in a room some where close to the house, he won't say. HE just left, he didn't leave a note or anything. He called me at 1am later on drunk to tell me he fell out of the shower then he called me again at 4am and told me fuck you. I call him for the longest on Saturday and sent text messages because for one he emptied the account. Emptied ALL the money I mean every single penny. Finally calls me later on Saturday and we get nothing worked out because he wants to pick my friends. I asked him to stop drinking and he asked me to stop smoking if he did that and I agreed, he even agreed to go to a counselor but I gotta stop being friends with Mally and Melissa. Now he is pissed off again because I told him I am still friends with Mally when he thought I stopped being her friend once again because he doesn't like her and doesn't want me to be her friend. ONce again I can only be friends with someone he wants me to be friends with. I can't do that, I wouldn't and don't ask him to do that. He said he was going to give me his half for his health ins, car ins, renters ins, and his money for part of the cell phone bill. Said he was paid up to Friday wherever he is and that he will be looking for a place. I agreed to him taking the laptop but now he can't because I need it for school and it is just easier for me to have but I'll tell him that Monday when I tell him I found a roommate and it will cost me only 642.50 a piece to live here, keep the house, still go to school and pay for my car. I hate it has come down to this, hell I hate he is in my family photos we did recently but oh well, I did and still do love him but he can't go picking my friends and go getting mad because I don't wanna stop being their friend.
Today we are picking up some blinds for the front room, a blind for the back door, something for that bedroom closet door and some root stuff for the house. Oh gosh I'm going to be broke again, lol. He has already taken a little over $7,000 out of the account and left me with nothing. Had the nerve to say if you can't keep the house he will take it and give me some money so I can start over fresh and new. I'm like I'm sorry I can't do that. I had a good night sleep last night and I finally relaxed before that. It feels nice not to have to worry about a drunk at night while you are sleep anymore. I love him but he is not going to make it doing that much drinking. Then he says he is going to be drinking a lot less now, what kind of shit is that especially when I had to fuss and fuss and fuss to get him to stop drinking mix drinks and move to shots and beers but damnn 3 beers a night and lawd knows how many shots. It is just crazy. He says I've been disrespectful and such but I'm just tired of noticing what I should have been and now I"m saying something and getting tired of it. I better get dressed, we've got stuff to do.

When it rains it pours and it finally stopped in TX

There is finally a forecast without rain being involved. Now don't get me wrong I love the rain, no wait, I LOVE THE RAIN but gosh we haven't had a sunny minute in a minute but damn does it have to end up being 96 degrees outside because you know it is going to end up feeling like it is in the 100s which is crazy but you get what you get especially in a TX summer, lol. I don't drink coffee and thought this was neat but I haven't had too much of my needed caffiene this morning but I think I will survive it. I tried so hard today to get to work on time but that was a wasted effort but I wasn't too late getting here though, just by 15mins but Mel caught me on my way in so I ended up getting in the building and at my desk at like 7:30a but that is all good by me. Besides I am the one on-call if there were any major issues but don't see anything major happening between 5:45a and 7:30a but hey thank goodness for cell phones because I have two, lol. The pooch was being all sweet this morning which she usually is. I found a place to board her for hella cheap while we are out of town and that is her own vet which is right down the street. Ellie knows the people, the smells and it is right down the street once again but I am going to take her to this place called The Grand Pet Resort off of Huelen and I-30 one day, give her a spoiling treatment because that is what it would be and we need to spend some time apart like that so she can get use to it. Once again I gotta start taking her back to the dog park so she isn't getting rowdy with other dogs but I did take her to Mally's to see Mally's dogs on Friday I think it was.
Im just so ready for vacation and to not be working for a week even if we weren't going to Vegas I still would not be getting up in the morning for the JOB!!! I have the vacation ready blues or the week before vacation don't want to do nothings, lol. I can't wait I can't wait!!! I'm glad it is Sun-Thurs though that way I can rest at least for 3 days when we return, lawd knows I am going to need it. I found this cool picture on the internet when I typed in tea in google and then clicked on images. I gotta keep the link to this lady's art because she has some cool stuff. Tea
and I do mean tea is some good stuff especially chai tea. Oh I just really enjoy it and have been enjoying the white chai with the freshly ground nutmeg. It has never tasted so yummy, lol. I finally had found some whole nutmeg to grind up using the grater and I was excited but now I gotta buy a smaller grater because the one we are using isn't huge but it is too big for this small job. YUCK!!! I gotta go home and deal with dishes. I think it is just crazy. I rather go home and deal with a hard cock but that bullshit isn't happening. I hope this isn't too much for the readers. Just what I happen to be feeling at this gosh darn moment still at work. I have been working on this entry FOREVER it seems but I don't mind it. Doesn't bother me one bit.
I need to start catching up in my other blog, my naughty dirty blog but I'll have to do that wild crap at home and I mean come on who really has the time but I guess I better make time and I will bitches, lol!!! Apologies, my inner Dave Chapelle came out in me. LOL

Just another walking kind of day

Today we went walking about 9am, it was actually more like 8am when we got up got started to go, had to puff on the magic green dragon and then be on our way. We took little Ms. Ellie with us. She had a good time. It is amazing how so many people are not use to seeing chihuahuas being walked I guess. I have never seen one walking and the people we see out seem to have never seen one being walked at the park or on the trails either. It was so funny though, Ellie would see other dogs and start barking, once we got passed them she would growl a little bit like under her breath, it was so funny. Today Mel and I went to this park/trail down on Eastchase a little ways. It is all nice and woodsie as you are walking. Next time we are going to purchase some bug spray for sure. We were getting a little chomped on this evening. The mesquitos were just having a feast on our little bodies but we weren't going to let that stop us. Ok so back to what I was saying, we started at this little entrance off eastchase and ended up over there on the block of houses from the path were we walk if we are coming from under the bridge on green oaks. Hopefully that made sense but I know what I mean. I can't believe we ended up walking that far can't believe that was the same park that was under water just not too long ago when we went walking last time and if I am not mistaken that was just a week ago we couldn't even see that, that was even a park to begin with. The only way we knew was because she had seen it there before and there were doggy poop bags for you to take and pick up your dogs poop. We walked a pretty good distance and only in 30mins at that. I can't believe us. We are suppose to pick back up the working out at work stuff again as well and I can't wait cuz I need to get fine and this is no laughing matter, lol.
I was a little testy today Mel said but I guess I was stressing having to go back home and deal with Steven but oh well I can't stress over that he'll just have to get over that we hang out and go walking. He isn't jumping up to go walking and besides he is being stupid any way about the whole Mel thing. Way too many people have said so and I knew he was the minute he opened his damn mouth. Ok enough about that nonsense.
We picked out our clothes for the anniversary gathering on next Saturday. I can't wait to be in Vegas next Sunday. I gotta call some places about boarding Ms. Elllie, to some people that I know are going to take care of my baby or hopefully they will or there will be issues to be had. I am going to miss her. It will be hard since I haven't left her alone before for too long. The cats and the bird are going to be ok. The cats are going to think they are in heaven I am sure of it. They better not have any friends over or I will have to beat them senseless, lol. We had crabcakes last night and Cherie was over. Oh it pissed me off so bad that he was tipsy/drunk already at 930pm. I mean DAMN!! One of my best friend has her child over with her can I get you to get it together and not be drunk so early and at least while they are still here. Am I going to have to talk to you about your drinking while we are going to be out with my family? You better not become drunk one fucking bit cuz damn it we gotta go to Vegas and I will be PISSED, PO'D if you embarrass me. Oh I will be HOT!! I'm going to have a talk with him about it so we fully understand where I will becoming from so he will already know.We'll also see how he will do in Vegas. Oh baby cuz if he gets too drunk out there he better watch out. I will be on the move babycakes, lol. Where or doing what I have no clue but I be damn if I will be in the room while he is passed out on the bed drunk. We don't have any children either so I will have a good ole time. I can't wait, I have never been to Vegas. I think Mel and I would probably have a good time there together, hell along with Cherie cuz that chick is just as crazy too.

Another day in the world

Now if this isn't just the craziest pic but that is all I could find to represent what I was feeling like all day. It was crazy obviously, that was the mood for the day or can we say STONED!!! I mean man, from the time I was at Mel's at 2pm and it is still going on. Hell it was only half of a synthetic morphine pill to help with this two day migraine. I mean damn it was awful this morning when I woke up and Mel just felt like death on a hot plate herself. We got to spend some friend time together although we both felt out of it all damn day but I guess when you feel like that with your friend it is an ok thang. I see why we aren't drug addicts cuz I wouldn't want to feel like this all the time. A little high for about 30-45mins or however long you are on pot is good enough for me but I'm not able to do this on a regular basis. I don't see how people get hooked on it or why they would want to.
I hadn't been to work today and only went half a day yesterday. You know migraines really get you down because you know I did want to be at work doing my job but nope I had to deal with this. I guess it is just life. I am seeing that I am having them less and less but damn this weather is what is going to do me in. One minute it is cool with rain then scattered showers hot and muggy. This is going to kill me if it keeps it up any longer. I mean it was in the 90s today I am sure. I didn't get out in it much though. I did however finally put a sign on the back of my husband's old car to sell it. I drove it around a little bit today so people could get a look see at it and jot the number down to contact him later. I may drive it to work so some more folks can get a gander at it. I rather drive my car but hey we need to sell this sucka. I can't believe we are going to Vegas in two weeks. I have never been to Vegas and here we go. I think it is also cool that we are having layovers in Denver Colorado. I mean we won't have a chance to get out in the city because our layovers are 1hr going to Vegas and 2hrs w/a little over that on the way back home. I am hoping it is going to be a good trip. Husband is calling it our 2nd Honeymoon and such so we will see. I am hoping he won't be stupid drunk and I'll have a hard time getting him back to the room and bullshit like that. I mean he got stupid drunk every night in Mexico and it made me feel very lonely while he is sleeping from alcohol and I'm up all alone WIDE THE FUCK AWAKE!!! Cuz you know Mexico was different we were at a resort where help wasn't a problem to get. If he gets silly here I don't know what to do. He is tripping thinking Steve is going to take up all of our time if I tell him when we are going to be there and such. My husband is just straight fucking tripping. I mean what is wrong if we hang with Steve a good bit and then do our own thing. I'm just looking to have a good laid back time even if I have to cuss him out to do so. Hell this is VEGAS BABY!!! Let loose!!
The day before we leave we are going to my grandparents' anniversary event. I don't know what is planned but I know my aunt better not work my nerves one bit or I'll have to let her know how I really feel. She has talked to me crazy one too many times and that is just uncalled for. Then to top it all off she wants everybody to dress in white, ALL WHITE?!?!? Come on lady gosh, now folks gotta go shopping before their Vegas trip but to top it all off it has to be all white and dressy. You know Mona you really get on my nerves in life.

This Saturday in Corsicana

This weekend or actually this Saturday we went to a place called Corsicana. It is about an hour and 15mins from where we are. It was a nice little drive and we needed to get out of the house and take a little trip especially since it was all sunny and such out.
We decided to go to Corsicana because for one Granbury to my husband sounded plain and expensive when it came to antique shopping and besides Corsicana has Collin Street Bakery. A historic place known for their famous Fruitcakes. We had a good time there. Oh we ate lunch and then bought some pastries. I am glad this place is an hour away because it would be nothing if it were 20mins away to come to this place at least every two days, lol.

Another great holiday brought to you by...

My 4th of July holiday wasn't all that great. Not this year, not this time no way I guess was that happening because it surely didn't. I spent it with my husband who had just recently that day July 4th gotten out of the hospital. He went in Monday, out on Wednesday back to work on Friday and he has the nerve to yell and fuss at me. Does he not realize if it weren't for me and my insurance he proably would have had a hell of a time. I'm sure they would have treated him way different. He had the nerve to call me a bad wife because I wasn't by his side the whole time he was there. Hell, if I do recall life still goes on. I had pets to tend to as well as myself which included getting me something to eat, a haircut, some sleep amongst trying to be there for him and visit him in the hospital. I don't know what he was thinking but I'm not that little old white lady that was with her husband the whole time he was in the hospital. I have things to do and my husband is not my entire life. This was not his first time and you know what, if he would slow down on his drinking and quit smoking than maybe he wouldn't be going through all of this but you can't tell him anything. He thinks smoking isn't connecting to anything. They may have changed his blood pressure meds to one single med, he may not be sleeping as long and he might have a little bit more energy but he still needs to change his lifestyle but I don't know anything because I'm not a Dr. but you would think he would want to change when his wife is almost half his age but I guess since he isn't having sex or anything near that construction I guess it doesn't matter. He probably won't be doing anything to get over excited every again and if it happens I guess we all know what to expect next time, a trip to the hospital. His heart starts this irregular heart beat, folks all over the place start freaking out, then after a day of meds it regulates out. Too bad the damn excitement isn't over me. It is because we were having a threesome the night before and guess the fuck what, he drinks too much, sound familiar? HE drinks too damn much anyway to begin with then to top it off he gets excited over some extra dick being in the room so he drinks even more. Not only was fun cut short due to his over excitement which is really cool but when you give it to me the next morning can't you slow down, take your time and such so your wife can also get off? I should be use to it by now but no one should ever get use to that. We have got to make some serious changes or this isn't going to work. I gotta put my foot down about my friends, me going out or us spending time apart and sex altogether. Either do me or let someone else do me that you know about.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

Got up this morning about 8am, got it together and went walking with Ellie and Mel. Ellie was a little nervous at first and then when she realized where we were going she picked up her step. I can't believe she remembered we went that way before. This time we walked all the way to the end of the trail. Which wasn't that far from where we stopped last time and turned around but we didn't know and we weren't in no hurry to find out. The first time we went it was like the middle/end of the day but this time it was early the beginning of the day and it felt good. I think if we didn't have my pooch we would have went a lot further. It felt so good to be out there and have a friend walking with you. It made it real easy and I wasn't tired but I guess there is something to be said for exercising in the morning or even in the afternoon. I know I worked my rump off yesterday with cleaning the house and now Sunday I got to walk. I had fun, I did have to stop by starbucks, get a chai w/some kind of sweet. It was an apple fritter for me and a chocolate chunk cookie for Steven. I hope he emjoys it with his starbucks that he drinks everyday, chump. Welp I'm off to take a shower after The 4400 goes off. I can't believe they started another season. I'm going to have to catch up.

A Saturday Change

Today was the first time in a long time that Steven has been off of work on the weekends and as usual we spent way too much money together but it was on stuff we needed and had to do. He got his car very detailed with new mats and I got stuff to organize the house to make it look a lot better with stuff in a place to have. We also went shoe shopping for me. I needed some new tennis shoes/sneakers for home because I keep leaving my other ones at work but hey I'm not buying them for a fashion statment although I must say they are cute. They are nike air, pink, that I bought from Academy. I bought a cute dickie's skirt and some cute tops. I told him that's about all I want because I'm starting to slim down again and then when I get to the size I have a goal towards then I'll shop like I'm crazy, lol.

I didn't get a chance to see my BF Melissa today which felt kind of funny. We chatted on the phone a few times but that was it. I saw my other BF Cherie w/her friend Jenna; we went to Happy Hour at the Sherlock's Pub. Oh the drinks were lovely because they were good and cheap, lol. Last night was good times good times. I had to spend Friday day though cheering my friend up because her daughter's daddy wants to act a fool and his damn family are fools w/idiot ramblings. When Mel gets her shit together they aren't going to know what to do. She was upset at first which is understandable but she came to the conclusion ok act like this, my time will come. I had to take her mind off things. It isn't easy, it damn sure isn't easy but willie foo foo helps out as much as he can, lol.

It is midnight and I am up. I cleaned this house like a crazy fool today. The dishes, sweeped, washed the rugs, cleaned the bathroom, changed the towels, cleaned the living room including the mantel. I bought a new vase type thingie for our keys and change. I think it is pretty sassy myself to see it all dusted and stuff not laying all around or just stacked up but actually thrown away and items have a home now. Finally took the yellow candle out the wrapper, lol. I put it on a plate with some poppouri(however the hell you spell it) around it. It looks pretty good pretty good. Oh and lawdie gawd the tv has been dusted, I repeat the tv has been dusted, lol. I mean the living room and kitchen look nice, as well as the bathroom. We have been good about keeping the bathroom together and the kitchen somewhat. Lets see if we can keep the living room flow-spacious. The office on the other hand has become a little cluttered on the desk and in some other spots but we are working on that. I tried to tackle a little today but the bedroom, office and laundry are for tomorrow which isn't going to be too bad since the big things were done today. Ellie might be free to roam in the bedroom once I get it cleaned up and vaccumed in there. Oh goodness, going to have to watch her though, don't want her trying to take some dumps in there for some odd crazy reason. I'm going to be pissed I know when that happens. I won't beat her just band her again for a bit and see if that makes change.

He is up making noise now in the bathroom bothering the world. I should have went to bed but I needed to blog. I guess I am going now with no chances of fondling unless I do it myself on the couch oh freaking well. I had something else to say but willie foo foo and my husband have made me forget. I'm going to bed, good night all.